My decision to share began with this response I offered on facebook to a woman in a private facebook group who was struggling with she and her husband's differing views and opinions in relation to teaching their children about homosexuality. She had a liberal approach and he was very conservative. She felt their differences were tearing apart their marriage. I offered the following response:
"I don’t have advice nor do I want to share an opinion. But I do feel prompted to share this experience:
I was awakened very early this morning and prompted to get on Facebook. I was so tired that I fought it for 15 minutes. Finally I got up and went onto Facebook. The very first post in my feed was this post. I felt I needed to share a recent experience I had but again I fought it. I then flipped open my scriptures and they landed on page 185 in D&C. The very first verse I read was D&C 95:1. What a powerful confirmation! I knew then that I needed to share. So, here goes:
I attended a conference last weekend in which I heard a presentation given by the parents of an LDS man who was gay for about 18 years and is now straight and has a wife and children. His story is very unique as you seldom hear this perspective and therefore his stance is very unpopular, but he’s okay with that. This man named Drew Graham, wrote a book and speaks on this topic. His stance and his parent’s stance on the issue are so different from what the Church teaches and from what society teaches that they feel ostracized by both.
He was raised by parents who both have views like your husband and his mother is from San Francisco and was raised in a very liberal environment.
He says he was born a very sensitive and feminine boy, who played with dolls and loved the arts and that part of him has never changed. His parents were loving and supportive but also taught him that lust was a sin (Matt 5:28), sexual impurity was a sin, and the gay lifestyle was against God’s will for His children.
Because of his feminine nature and character, he was teased often by masculine boys who told him he was gay. After hearing this his whole life he believed it must be true and accepted it, even at an age when he was too young to be interested in sexuality. This led him to question his masculinity which led him to look at images of masculine men online to see what society deemed a “real man” should look like. This led to looking at male porn which he justified as okay since he was a man himself and had the same body parts. This led to a porn addiction that lasted for several years.
While attending BYU he was preyed upon by gay temple endowed LDS men who had wives and children and hid their sexual infidelity. They preyed upon him in chat rooms and met him at locations to carry out their desires. Truthfully he was abused, but he allowed it. He said because he was young, curious, and exploring, he was extremely vulnerable and bombarded by gay men who were turned on by his vulnerability. He said that during the entire 18 years of struggle with this, he felt this world and lifestyle and everyone in it was fueled by sex addiction, abuse, lies, and darkness. Even after coming out of the closet and turning down his mission call he never felt pure love or light. He felt deep down that this was not what God wanted for him. He felt God wanted him to live a life that was clean, pure, true, and in which he could enter all of Gods highest covenants and receive those ordinances and blessings. God wanted him to have a healthy sexual relationship and not remain celibate his entire life. God wanted him to have posterity. God wanted him to experience the fullness of joy. He didn’t feel right about engaging in the gay lifestyle (what society teaches and pushes) and he also didn’t feel right about remaining abstinent the rest of his life (what the church teaches, if you’re gay just don’t ever act on it and you’ll be fine). He felt there should be another approach. He wanted to marry and have his own children. And he wanted all the blessings of the temple. He realized that he wanted to be delivered from a lifestyle that he felt was not what God wanted for Him. He felt that for him, being gay resulted from lies that were fed to him from society through the internet and social media coupled with a porn addiction that in return fed the lies. He felt that during these 18 years of being gay, he never was truly happy, he always felt impure and never experienced true love.
He realized one day that the Savior could save him from a lifestyle and desire he longer wanted. He had never thought to call upon his Savior before to be delivered from this attraction, desire, addiction, and lifestyle because this teaching is offensive to many, its seldom taught. He had always heard and been taught to call on the Savior to be able to endure it (be gay but never act on it) but not be completely delivered from it. So he called upon Jesus Christ like he never had before, and over a period of time he was what he called “healed”.
He served a mission later in life and was glad to have not used a mission to hide, distract from, or “take care” of the issue. He was glad he took care of it before choosing a mission. He actually became attracted to women and after his mission married a beautiful wife in the temple and now has children. He said he never knew he could be this happy and have a healthy sexual life that fills him with such joy and light! He never knew he could be so in love with someone as he really had never felt true love before. Being “healed” didn’t turn him more masculine, but he felt that society’s idea of what a “real man” should be is false. He never knew that he could be sensitive, love art, and still be attracted to and in love with a woman. He had been taught by society that because of who and how he was, he should be attracted to men. He felt pushed in that direction. In the end he learned it was not what he really wanted but he never knew that until he called upon the Savior.
As you can see his stance and belief is in contrast with what society teaches and what the church teaches which is why no bookstores will carry his book, and no one will allow him to speak. He is very unpopular for his beliefs and story but he is so happy that he doesn’t care if sharing it will help someone else find the same happiness that he has.
Looking back he says he wished his parents would have been even more vocal about expressing their views. He wished they would have interfered more. He feels that parents who massage the issue to be in line with society, do more damage. He believes it is a black and white issue as well as a spiritual warfare issue.
I saw his YouTube video testimony at the conference but have not been able to find it myself on YouTube. YouTube has made it nearly impossible to find the video without a direct link. I was able to find it another way, here it is. His testimony begins at 10:24 into the video. I also included a link to an interview with his parents."
The first few comments that came in were very positive and filled with gratitude and thanks for sharing this man's story. Then shortly later, a couple of negative comments came through; LDS women who felt that by me sharing this man's story, I was doing more harm than good for people in the gay community. Their fear filled worries and words, were a plea for me to never share this information again. It was very upsetting to them. Here was my response;
"They were told by Sheri Dew at Deseret Book that the reason Deseret Book was cancelling their book deal was because it was decided that their book goes against the approach that the church teaches and encourages (The Church teaches that same-sex attraction is fine as long as you don't ever act on it. The Graham's encourage complete healing and wholeness through Jesus Christ, so that one can marry, have a family, make all the covenants in the temple, and experience joy! This is seen as politically incorrect as it suggests that being gay is something to be healed of.)
His story is unique but it might resonate with someone out there who is on the same page or feels very similar. I feel as we overcome challenges, God uses us as instruments to share hope. We shouldn't be afraid to share our experiences, miracles, and blessings, but trust those promptings as the Lord leads us to share. I know his story has helped so many and he has felt guided to share it only when asked. I just know I was prompted to share. ❤️"
Here are three videos that share unique perspectives and approaches that you won't hear very often. Since sharing this, many have come forward in anonymous emails letting me know that this approach worked for them and their loved ones as well.
The first video features Drew sharing his story at 10:20 into the video. The entire video is worth watching as it shares many other unique stories and perspectives on the same topic. The second video features his parents sharing their perspective at the same conference (at 16:28). The third video is an up-close and personal interview with his parents. I felt the importance of sharing their story here on my blog. I hope that their message resonates with someone out there, and is a blessing!
A Parent’s Story: Steve & Janice Graham from PFOX on Vimeo.
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