Tuesday, October 25, 2011

My Bout with Doubt

Since we moved into our transitional house, my youngest (the baby) has been coughing up a storm every night in the middle of the night. She has been getting over a cold and for some reason in the middle of the night it manifests itself.

Well, a couple of nights ago I was tired and exhausted from the move, her birthday party, Fall festivities and her coughing every night. When I heard her cough I was too tired to get up out of the bed and try all my experimental remedies that help her through the cough attacks. More than anything I just wanted to sleep. I had an idea.

I prayed a silent prayer to Heavenly Father that He would stop her coughing and allow her a restful sleep as well as myself. I told Him why I needed rest as did she and how much this would mean to the both of us. At the end of my prayer she stopped coughing - I was so grateful for the silence and was then able to fall asleep.

About 3:00 am I woke up and realized that she had been continuously silent and had no other coughing attacks. I couldn't believe it. Instead of attributing that to the Lord I began to wonder if something had happened to her. Maybe she had died and that's why she was silent. I would feel so bad if she had died and it was my fault because I was too tired to get up with her when she was coughing. Realizing that I was doubting the Lord I began to struggle with my thoughts. Getting out of bed to check on her would mean that I doubted the Lord, yet trying to fall back asleep left me feeling guilty - what if something had happened to her?

After struggling with these thoughts and the agonizing fatigue I was experiencing, the Lord sent me a tender mercy as well as a wake up call. My baby began to cough. I was so happy to hear it. Then as she coughed, and coughed, and coughed, I sheepishly said to the Heavenly Father, "Lord, I get it. I'm sorry I doubted. Thank you for your hand in all things. Please allow her coughing to stop....again." And just like that, her coughing stopped. It was silent the rest of the night.

And so it is with so many things in our lives. The Lord answers our prayers and blesses us and then we later question the choices we made on the confirmations we received. Were they really from Him? Was it our our thoughts and desires overpowering the Spirit?

Doctrine and Covenants 6:36

Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

Mathew 14:31
And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

Mormon 9:21

Behold, I say unto you that whoso believeth in Christ, doubting nothing, whatsoever he shall ask the Father in the name of Christ it shall be granted him; and this promise is unto all, even unto the ends of the earth.

Bottom line. When you ask the Lord for something recognizing and accepting His will, and you get it - He answered your prayer. Do not doubt but rejoice!

I say this in the name of Jesus Christ - amen.


Kelly said...

I stumbled across your blog today as I was doing a google search that included the words Jesus Christ suffering. I just want to tell you that I've read through several of your posts and have really enjoyed them. I've been looking for blogs that are more solid - that have value for me on a deeper level - as opposed to crafting and organizing. I appreciate your thoughtful words and heartfelt testimony. Thank you for taking time to write and share what's on your mind. I've been toying with the idea of doing something similar, but as yet haven't felt prompted to take my thoughts out of my physical journal and post them online. Only sometimes do I included them on our family blog.

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. I hope you continue to post. Thanks!

Lindsey said...

Thanks Kelly, your comment is much appreciated! I find that the more I post about my spiritual experiences the more I have them. It's kinda my way to build my testimony weekly. I really enjoy writing these posts and I hope you'll come back for more!

Anonymous said...

Hi Lindsey,

I don't see any contact information on your blog, so I'll try leaving a comment :)

Time Out For Women would like to talk to you about being a featured blogger on TOFW.com. Will you please contact Lorelie at Lsander@deseretbook.com for details?

Thanks! We look forward to hearing from you!

-The TOFW Team