WHY FORGIVE?
(00.38) So, why is it so important to forgive? We know that it’s something we should make more of a priority in our lives but why is it so critical for our happiness? The way I look at it is that when you forgive, you release yourself from a real prison cell. You release yourself form that heaviness, and you also release the person or the situation that you’re forgiving. Not only do you release yourself, but you release others, and it’s absolutely empowering!
WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?
(1:15) Forgiveness to me, is like an actual key. I want you to just envision for a minute, a large gold key. Here you have this experience, memory, situation, a person (maybe more than one person), and they’re in this prison cell. You’re also in that prison cell. You are all in there together. And in that prison cell are all these feelings of hate, grief, sorrow, pain, and suffering. It’s all just locked in there real tight. You have this gold key, and that key has the power to unlock the door to that prison cell and just let everything out, and let everyone be free.
(2:00) So, it is a power. You have that key to just let it go, and rise above your potential. It’ a really critical power.
FORGIVENESS FROM A SPIRITUAL PERSPECTIVE
(2:14) Some people look at it this way; this is a really great way to just bring it all home. With my faith in my beliefs, I believe in a literal spirit prison and a spirit paradise. I believe that spirit prison is a place where we put ourselves. I don’t believe anyone forces us to go there, I believe it’s a choice that we make. It’s a place that we put ourselves because we haven’t forgiven ourselves, or we haven’t forgiven an experience or a person in our lives and we just want to hang on to that pain, suffering, and guilt. So, we just let it linger and it weighs us down until we’re just kind of stuck.
A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE
(2:57) I want to share something. I wasn’t sure about doing this but I think it’s just another way to kind of give it more of a spiritual perspective. I’m going to share with you a very personal experience that I had, that I’ve actually had on about three occasions. I had some experiences not too long ago, where a loved one of mine (on three different occasions) who had passed on and was on the other side of the veil, came to me and let me know, that they were unhappy and stuck. They were in this dark place of grief, sorrow, and despair – there was no hope. They came to me because they didn’t know what to do, and they wanted to know that they had been forgiven, by all of us that they had left behind, all of us family members. Granted they had probably made some not-so-good choices in their life, I think they probably realized that, and they were actually keeping themselves in a prison. Instead of going on, (what we say as “go to the light”) and being with their friends and family in that spiritual paradise, they chose to stay stuck and suffer that pain and sorrow of those experiences that they were not willing to let go of and forgive. Also, I think they felt that guilt of not being forgiven. (4:44) I guess you can say that I had a very powerful spirit to spirit conversation with these loved one of mine, and let them know that “we forgive you. I forgive you. My family forgives you. Go be free! Go to the light. Go progress. Go do better. Just let it go. You don’t need to suffer for these problems anymore. You can forgive yourself, and we forgive you.”
(5:14) I literally felt…I get goosebumps talking about it right now, I felt that energy just shift in the room, and all around me. I could feel that heaviness that they were feeling, absolutely escape. I felt this light pour in and this lightweight…just that feeling of freedom. I could tell that they had decided to take that key that I talked about, and they had unlocked that prison cell. They let it go.
(5:50) I share that with you because I think sometimes if we have that deeper perspective of how this power of forgives affects us not only here now in the present time but in the future and in the eternities, it really is an important principle to understand.
WHY IS FORGIVENESS TO HARD?
(6:12) So, why do some of us have such a hard time with forgiveness? Think about that for a minute. Think about yourself, think about people that you know who really seem to struggle with just letting things go, and forgiving. I believe just with experiences that I’ve had with people in my family and just people that I know…I believe that it’s more of a thought pattern or a thought process that you know…”if I forgive this person or this situation, well then that means that they’re off the hook. They did something wrong to me and it hurt, and I feel horrible, and I’m a victim. They should suffer. If I forgive them and I just let it go, then they’re not going to suffer the consequences that I believe they need to have. They need to be held accountable for what they did to me.”
(7:08) Now, does that sound familiar? I truly believe without a doubt that that is one of the most common reasons why people have such a difficult time with forgiveness. They want to be that victim, and they want those people to be held accountable so that people will always know, and the world will always remember, how they have been wronged, and how this person was the abuser. We just really need to let that go. It’s not important. You don’t have to make sure that others suffer their consequences, that’s not your job and that’s not your responsibility. Your responsibility lies within you! You just need to forgive and let it go. Everything will play out how it’s supposed to.
(7:58) I think another reason that it’s hard for people to forgive, is a lot of people out there don’t know how to function unless they are experiencing grief, sadness, and they are always in that victim mode. They just don’t know how to function in a world of happiness, so they hang on to all of these experiences and all of these problems, and they surround themselves in it. These are the people that we…you know, that we refer to as the “negative people” in our lives. The “porcupines”. The prickly porcupines that we just don’t want to hug. It’s really difficult for them to let that go because they don’t know how to function without it. That’s what they’re used to. Sometimes it helps to have that perspective when you are dealing with people in your life who are really struggling with forgiveness.
HOW TO CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE
(8:50) As I mentioned before, sometimes we just don’t understand the full picture. It’s hard for us to forgive because we want to understand everything before we can make that choice whether or not we are going to let it go. But, what we have to realize is that we just have to change our perspective. We have to look at it from a completely different view. It’s almost like you have to pull yourself away from the situation and look at it as an outsider looking in. When you do that, a lot of times you will see everything playing out in a completely different way. Suddenly your feelings change. Maybe you’re not so mad as you were before.
(9:35) If you have a hard time doing that, and it’s difficult for you to change your perspective, or look at it from another angle, something that you can do is ask God to change your perspective.
ACCESSING A HIGHER POWER
(9:51) No matter what your beliefs are, most everyone believes in a higher power. For me, it’s my Father in Heaven. I can go to Him in prayer and I can ask Him to change my perspective. To help me see things in a different way, in a different light, and possibly to be able see them the way that He does. That always helps soften my heart, and the change the way I feel about a person a situation. So, I offer that advice to you, give that a try and see how that helps you in your quest to forgive.
SARAH MENET’S EXPERIENCE
(10:32) So when talking about forgiveness as being a key to unlock that prison cell, I’d like to share with you something from a book that I absolutely love. This book is called, “There is No Death” by Sarah Menet. She had a near death experience back in 1979, and this book is just her entire story of what she experienced. I want to share in there something that’s always stuck with me. I found it very powerful.
(11:07) It’s an experience where she ran into her father on the other side of the veil. She didn’t have a good relationship with her father. She hated her father. Really, when he died, she wasn’t sad one bit. He had been abusive, and a lot of things had happened throughout her childhood where she just thought that she could never love or forgive him. Now, here’s what she says,
(11:38) “Suddenly, for some purpose, I was allowed to feel a small part of the pain that he was feeling for the life that he lived. It was so completely overwhelming and excruciating that even 22 years after that experience, I can still feel the pain my father felt. I could not bear to look at him. But I began to feel great compassion for him. As I stood there listening to him crying and feeling his horrific pain, the spirit of pain that had been my constant companion during life, causing me to hate him and everyone else, suddenly and inexplicitly left me. I truly felt God move the sword of hate out of my hand. I felt so sorry for my father and I wanted to put my arms around him perhaps to give him some comfort of understanding that I had forgiven him.”
(12:32) So, that just for me again, gives it another perspective. When you forgive, you have that power to unlock that prison cell. So, like I said, not only do you release yourself, but you relase the person that you’re forgiving. It’s incredible!
THE LITTLE SOUL AND THE SUN
(12:50) Here is another little story that I absolutely love that I think really helps shed a different light on seeing things from a different perspective. This is a children’s parable. It’s really cute, it’s really sweet, and it’s really powerful.
It’s called “The Little Soul and the Sun”, and it’s by Neil Donald Walsh. Just to sum it up, there’s two souls that are having a dialogue here. They are eternal friends in the pre-mortal realm. So, they haven’t come down to earth yet and they haven’t been born. They are excited to come down and they are talking about what it’s going to be like. There’s “Friendly Soul” and “Little Soul”. Little Soul starts to express his desire that he wants to be one who learns to forgive. When he comes to earth, he wants to be one of those people who has that ability to forgive. But in Heaven there is nothing to forgive. Everything is wonderful. So, he’s kind of in a predicament thinking, “will I be able to forgive? I don’t know what that’s like.”
(14:04) As little soul is having this conversation with Friendly Soul, Friendly Soul pretty much says, “I have an idea. How about I come down to earth and I give you something to forgive?” and Little Soul says, “Why would you want to do that? You’re such an amazing spirit, you’re such an amazing being, I admire you. You’re so wonderful. Why on earth would you want to come down and give me something to forgive?” And here’s what Friendly Soul says,
(14:35) “Simple. I would do it because I love you. I will come into your life on earth and be the ‘bad one’. I will do something really terrible, and then you can experience yourself as the one who forgives.”
“But what will you do,” the Little Soul asked just a little nervously, “that will be so terrible?”
“Oh,” replied the Friendly Soul with a twinkle in his eye, “we’ll think of something.”
So, the Little Soul gets excited. Now he knows that he’s going to come down to earth and he’s going to have this experience where he can learn forgiveness. But then he looks over and he notices his friend, the Friendly Soul, looking a little discouraged and he says,
“What is it? What can I do for you? You are such an angel to be willing to do this for me.”
“In the moment where I strike you and I smite you,” the Friendly Soul replied, “in that moment that I do the worst to you that you could possibly imagine, in that very moment,”
“Yes?” the Little Soul interrupted, “Yes?”
“Remember who I really am.”
“Oh, I will!” cried the Little Soul. “I promise! I will always remember you as I see you right here right now.”
“Good!” said the Friendly Soul, “Because you see, “I will have been pretending so hard, I will have forgotten myself. And if you do not remember for a very long time, and if you forget who I am, you may even forget who you are. And we will both be lost.”
“No we won’t,” the Little Soul promised again, “I will remember you, and I will thank you for bringing me this gift. The chance to experience myself, who I am.”
I love that.
(16:26) To end on that note, I just think it’s a great little story to end on. We sometimes don’t have the full picture. We don’t understand and we don’t remember who we were before we came here. When we choose to see it in that light, and we choose to see the people who have wronged us in that light, it changes everything!
ARE YOU READY TO APPLY FORGIVENESS?
(16:52) So, now comes the time at the end of the video where I give you that tip, or your homework assignment. These are just little things that you can try to help apply what it is we talk about in these videos.
So, I want you to make a list, do it today if you can, make a list of all the things that you can think of right now, all the things, experiences, people, anything in your life that you feel you are struggling to forgive, and I want you to write them all down. And I want you to take that list with you wherever you go, so that you see it every day. And I want you to start saying out loud, as you go down this list each day, “I forgive ______,” and fill in the blank. And you just go down that list, and you say it out loud, “I forgive, I forgive, I forgive,” You know at first, it’s going to feel really strange because you still might be struggling and thinking, “well, gosh I’m kind of lying because I still feel angry and I still feel hurt. So, it’s hard to say these words that I’m forgiving them.” But, I promise you as you keep doing it and you make it a habit to do it every day, it will start to turn into the truth. You will really start to feel your heart change. And just by doing that, you’re going to manifest that forgiveness. You’re going to create that power, and you’re going to feel yourself being set free.
ONE LAST TIP
(18:31) So, if you’re still struggling with this concept of forgiveness, and it’s still something that’s really hard for you, I want to share with you something that I do that works for me. Now with my faith and with what I believe, I believe in the atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ. And what I do, is if there’s any burden or any feeling, anything that’s weighing me down and I just don’t want to deal with it anymore, I ask Him to take it. I freely hand it over to Him. It works every time. He takes it from me and I don’t have to suffer anymore. This is something that I do every day, and it really works for me. So, don’t give up. Don’t get frustrated, and don’t feel like this is something that’s hopeless for you. Go into this with a positive “can do” attitude. If you truly go into this with the intentions that you want to change and you want to be different, and you want to have better experiences, you will be successful. You will be able to experience the power of forgiveness.
Well thanks so much for joining me today. I know it’s kind of been a deep subject, but nonetheless an important one. For more tips and videos, go ahead and check out my website, at “yourhappylady.com”. You can also watch my videos on my YouTube channel, under “HappyMarriages”. Thank so much and we’ll see you soon!
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